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Nov. 14th, 2005 @ 11:54 pm we saw the aurora borealis AND sand jingle bells. heck yes monday nites!
i would like to say cheers to my friends in C2 and our small celebration of the 1800's.
it was the family...!
remember wed. nite movie nites last semester.

oh my.

and now all i can hear is bradley and ashley singing backstreet boys...quite passionately...
and this is exactly why i love college. haha.
hahaha...they are killing me.

and on the note of cheers...
i would love to drink a beer right now.
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Nov. 14th, 2005 @ 12:55 am (no subject)
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
its 12:55
me and ash are listenin to rilo kiley
and chattin about life
and we are going to eat a snack too. because we can.
and because i havent started studying for spanish yet.
its gonna be a late one.

i have no incentive to study right now.
i dont want to.
but i will....soon....er or later.

so i will stop playing pretend- and be truthful.
ummmm lots of crappy decisions to be made.

my car: it is going to cost more to fix than it is worth.
so...that means....i dont have a car...and that really sucks.
the geo has died and passed on.

about time. ha.

so the problems. i have saved money for finland...
and i questioned if i should still go.
my parents said they would be mad if i didnt go.
that was cool.

now we've got simon and garfunkel going on...my favorite...

but i will come back from finland...with no car.
and i think my decision for beach project has been made...its a no go.
i dont really see how it could work.
which sucks. just to know its not really an option anymore...
im also not sure how well paying for a house next semester AND a car is going to work...
this scares me...because i REALLY want to be with the girls off campus...
i dont know that it will work.

its just all this junk. that i really dont like.
i mean really. just another funny chapter for my book...title: ironic.

ashley is talking about her moms teeth....and prostitutes.
yep. thats the way we roll around here.

anyway- life is more complicated.
but a refreshing thing...i really feel like i've seen God more this semester than i ever have before...
through the lows AND the peaks...i find my thoughts fixed on him more. its hard. i wont lie. and i def. sometimes wonder why....and would love to say screw it. but i cant. its more then a game..or a routine...or a face. in the midst of all the craziness...i just wonder what he is doing...and trust that something is happening...weather i see it now...months from now...or years...its okay.
and i know this sounds crazy to people...
it sounds crazy to me.

moving on...
my life never gets boring- thats for dang sure. ha.
i can be thankful for that.

and something else...

shout out to keri. and our future spring break 07' in germany ;) heehee.
(shoot...i hope my car is payed for by then. HA)

study time!
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Nov. 11th, 2005 @ 03:45 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

          sometimes it be that way...


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Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 08:27 pm the times they are a'changin
i have managed to work quite diligently on my Latinos in the US South project...
however...i am nose diving fast. my attention is just about gone.
i thought i would take a quick break...try to regain some speed.

hum. today was good. except i get a deep longing every m-w-f when i am walking from the CDC to the Lab...all i want to do is be barefoot and lay on the ground in the falling leaves. let the sunshine on my face and just do nothing. but think. or maybe not even think. just be there. hum...to bad.

we watched a tom brokaw special on dateline- it was called "In God They Trust", it was about christian evangelicals. some of the comments really just make me laugh and shake my head...well like the title for starters. i mean...really. the best was in the opening when he dramatically says "evangelicals......they believe the bible is the word of God" it was just great...
but over all...it left me very unsettled. i couldnt believe it...i had a whole lot to say. i look forward to wed. when we talk about it more in class. i dont even know what to say about it. except that its absurd. i cant handle the portrayal...it is a nice view of a section of evangelicals- i'll give it that. but all he covers are 2 megachurches- and that movement. and that my friends...ummm i cant understand. just like from the beginning of the semester when we wrote our papers- i was the only one in the class to write mine from the point of view that religion has become a product...for our consumer culture- and its funny because almost everything since has gone back to that. i guess my biggest problem...is that nothing gives glory to God. its always God plus man. we are not doing ourselves a favor by adding us into the equation. we are cheapining- and taking away from the God we say we are serving. ohhhh....dear. i dont even know. i hate that one of the main focuses of the special was a focus on america and politics. i mean..if you really want to do religion justice...dont bring in politics. sick out. anywho.

ive got a song in my head...its been lingering all day...good ol bob :)
it really is one of the best.

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
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Nov. 6th, 2005 @ 02:10 am we're going to france...
so one of the best times of the year thus far...
i just got back from a bike ride over to walgreens.
ha. at 2:11 a.m...on a saturday nite...oh berry college.

me and evie originally thought we would ride to wendys
evie insisted on getting a boy. so we got some...
kyle waller- brian the sophomore and his friend from home.
it was good times for all.

a nice bike will def. be my next investment...after finland...

this last week was really good.
i had multiple just really great talks with such great people.
i had just been feeling so...trapped...and just blah. down on life.
starting monday morning...things just were put back into focus...in such a powerful way
and it was just good.
wed nite i did phil. 1 with the girls...i loved it. and i love how much more they all talk now...and just really are genuine when we are together. just the conversation..and prayers...its just...really amazing.

friday was really encouraging...in the course of the day i got 2 of the most meaningful and nice compliments.... they caught me off gaurd...but came at a great time and they just meant so much to me. AND on top of that...i was only a runner friday nite...and meredith was the cashier that nite and she came over and slipped me $20...telling me that it was an annonymous tip. crazy! i knew quite a few individuals in on friday...but all of them college students...
hum :)

i talked to my mom today...they are going to live at estes park in CO from like may-october as KOA hosts. ha i cant believe it. its really kind of fun...and i wont lie...im excited for them! perfect time for any friend in GA who would like to go to NE/CO with me will be sometime before school starts in the fall. most of all though...it makes me laugh. my parents have had the craziest lives...and it just continues...and they def. did not forget to pass that quality along...shoot...im 20...i've got a lot more time to fill with real crazy things...i think i should start writing a book now...there is already enough to make a bestseller :)

ps. i totally saw and said hello/shook hands with usher today...is this crazy? YES. but what is crazier is that i felt like i was on an episode of extreem home makeover challenge. we were in atlanta at the nicholas house...a huge house that houses like 8 homeless families. anyways...they even came back on a big ol bus and that jazz. it was cool. im so glad i didnt cop out...as i was painting i just loved what i was doing..and just being a part of it. it also made me wish that i would have loved math and been an archeitect...its what my grandpa always wanted me to do. the minimum...a carpenter...which it most def. is not too late for. i seriously love working with tools...and just seeing the creation of the work of my hands. ahhh...its amazing! and im at berry...why? haha. jk :)

the other crazy thing about today...is that i am not star struck anymore. i used to be a lot. but i almost just got irritated. how do we praise and idolize stars and celebrities as much as we do. its insane. how is it that they honestly make millions of dollars...i just dont get it. i mean...look around. for real. oh man...
and to think that once my only dreams were to have a famous name...and be known. puke.

i went and saw jarhead tonite...its a pretty good movie. poor evie and carla were extremly uncomfortable through the movie. haha. i just laughed. we were with the boys so thats what made them so embarassed...bless their innocence...bless their hearts
but the movie...i liked it alot. it seemed real and just like we were in their with them. good stuff. my brother in law mike was in desert storm...i should pry ask him what it was like for him over there. i think it could be some good bonding. haha. as a little girl i thought mike was the greatest thing in the history of the world...then he had his own kids...my nieces and nephews...haha. i kind of got the boot i guess...sebrina stopped calling me punky brewster then too...but its all good because for the name aunt andie all of that is gladly traded :) ahhh the kids are great! and thinkin of them makes me very excited for christmas!! i talked to johnny on the phone the other day...ahhhhh not many things make my heart smile quite that much.

i love it.

God is really good to me....even when i dont know it. and even if the germans think im goof. ha. they arent the only ones...and thats okay.
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Oct. 31st, 2005 @ 03:15 pm (no subject)
there are a lot of jerks...
but you know what...
there are a lot of nice people too. and i like them.
they make me smile.

the amazing sunshine and beautiful day makes me smile too.
i think we should have a picnic...at the hammock...for lunch sometime this week.
what do you say libby?
ashrad and ashwoo i think you should pry skip class and come too. haha.

so this weekend was ummm kinda awful in the general scheme. i cried. a lot. i dont know why. life is just hard right now. thats all. our life comes in seasons...and this season...its rough. but i think its getting better...as of the last 12 hours. i got to talk to sarah...it was a huge help...just an outlet i think...

this morning was so good. we met at 7 am for prayer...ya and i even managed to run BEFORE meeting. heck yes. but hell my legs are so sore still from saturday in the gym. guh. they were okay while i ran..but shoot not so much when i sit for a while and then have to walk. dang gina.
but prayer...it was really good. honestly last nite i went to the meeting only because heather called me earlier in the day...and so i really was going...because i was "supposed" to..."expected" to. ministry isnt anything that i had imagined it at the beginning of the year...i didnt feel like i should be at the meeting. but i am so glad i was. funny to me how God uses things...thats why sometimes even when you dont feel like doing things...but there is a small little something that is like "go"..check it out. there was just a moment while we sat in that room...earnest prayers...hard truth...and breaking hearts...and just a realness i dont think i have ever seen within the believers i am around at berry. esp. that specific group. i had no idea. but at a moment its like it all just stopped and i was so excited...because what was happening was exactly what we had prayed this summer...we were there...and it was so good.
small baby steps. thats what it takes. how incredible would it be to meet the rest of the year...every monday...at 7. its a real commitment.


we're going to a movie tonite. me and ashrad. and im excited. and other friends too maybe. i really just miss ash.

finland papers due tomorrow......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

yay :)
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Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 03:11 pm (no subject)
why do people have to be j e r k s ?

i dont like it.

and why does it have to be that nice people get screwed over...a l l t h e t i m e. . .

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Oct. 27th, 2005 @ 04:43 pm (no subject)
ummmmmm yum!

i just got out of class...and as i walked back to my townhouse it was one of those moments that hit me.
the temperature perfect,the sun shining on my face as i walked through a small forest of trees between the road and the parking lot. in a matter of 30 sec...before reaching the small forest...being overwhelmed with just how blessed we are i want to leap! i want to jump and skip all the way to my place of residence. i imagined calling all my friends and asking them to come outside to play. wishing so badly that we could..that we could just drop it all and go lay on the hammock and climb in the trees and play on the swings. then maybe ride up to mt. campus and first stop at the lake and taunt the ducks there and laugh. a lot of laughing. just let the child in us be excited about the simplicity of life! be excited for the sunshine...for the grass...for the ducks...for friendship...
and then i just get sad. why the hell do we have so many inhibitions. why do we have to grow up. "act" like adults. how do we get to the sad state of requiring so much to be happy. to feel excited. if i want to skip because im alive and an amazing creation surrounded with even more remarkable beauty...why would everyone laugh and wonder whats wrong with me. but the real question...why would i care so much.
ha. i remember one time last year i looked out the window of the LRC and i saw this girl...she would take a few steps and do a little dance...take a few more steps...do some jumps and twirl around...this went on all the way across the back parking lot of the science building. you bet i laughed and wondered what in the world she was doing. it was at sunset. and i bet she was just being free! being happy! feeling blessed. uninhibited.

hum. it all sounds like a fairy tale...
and in just a few moments...reality hits. and i will go to work. which yes...i am blessed to have. esp. on thursday nites...bluegrass fills the air...and for a moment or two i will imagine what it would be like to be the one performing...not running around in a frenzy waiting on people.

"Some may come and some may go
He will surely pass
When the one that let us heal
Returns for us at last
We are but in the morning sunlight
Fading in the grass" -dave clark

bye friends :)
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Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 09:22 pm (no subject)
so here it is.
i hardly ever get sick...in fact for the first time since ive been in GA i had to go to walgreens to get a perscription. yesterday i really did just want to cry i was so miserable...and today...a miracle really did happen. i feel great. yay :)

today was good.
until now. and im bored. maybe not bored. just sad because i really felt like doing something...and after asking 6 souls i have ran out of people who i think may even consider. hot damn. i hate that i work everynite that people actually want to do things. isnt that life? its all good. i cant really complain. as i ate dinner with keri tonite downtown i really was just happy for the friends i have. i watched some girls at another table havign a great time...and we talked about friendship a bit...it truly is the best.

but lo and behold i was just scanning some peoples profiles on facebook...and i find myself in a pissy mood. haha. something about a lot of the people here at berry...yep i really just dont know how i feel about that whole issue. i mean i kinda do. but jeez louise. seriously. it makes me want to vomit and transfer schools. . . . . .meanwhile i wont lie. i cant wait to go to finland. despite some of the nervousness i have been feeling as i read about the place and look at pictures...i dont even care. it will be a breath...of new! of new things...new sites...new atmosphere...new life...new people...and i cant wait! now if i manage to get all the damn paper work finished! yikes!

oh two great movies: crash and domino. watched crash this weekend with libby and the germans and then went to domino last nite with gooch and sauers. both super good. crash def. made my list of top 10 i think...

lunch with trial was actually really good for me. this may be shockin- but we did have intelligent conversation and i really enjoyed it! ha. but thats what i like. is just random time with people...esp. people i hardly ever see or hang out with anymore. just to know that there is something more there...than drinking memories. ha. ohhh but thats just the part of me...that doesnt want to let go. i seriously have huge issues with people...and my relationships with them. like kane and blake- callie and charmi- both jeffs- i mean any of them- im really bad at being okay with never talking or seeing these people. and i dont know why. i mean...freshman year. is over. i think its a reassurance to myself that maybe there was actual friendship there...i mean so many of my memories and pictures include these people...i cant just check out...like i feel everyone else does....i dont know. this is silly and i dont even know exactly what im talking about.

speaking of...i really cant stop thinkin about relationships. and my unsettlement. i often wonder if im going to screw myself out of something. and also just wonder why the hell im goign to graduate from college never being in any real relationship. no boyfriend. ever. uhhh my family already talks about it. thats annoying. and what do i say? uhhhhh i just dont pursue...and my personality sucks...therefore i am still just holding out on my own. and really- i mean thats okay. i love being just me. nothing added. i cant handle being committed to someone. at all. i watch relationships...and im not envious of the no freedom deal. but at the same time...it really does cause a girl to question herself. it sucks. and i dont like it. anyway. not just that. but i dont know......just thinkin a lot. and i think its pry bad news. my life seems to run a lot smoother when i do less thinking. haha. :)

ha. okay sooooooooooooo i think i will do something constructive with my time. im out.
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Oct. 24th, 2005 @ 03:12 pm (no subject)
thats the best way to describe everything right now.

i feel so weird lately...
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